05 December 2008

Christian Songs That Annoy Me (Christmas Edition)

It's been a while since my last installment in one of my favorite passive-aggressive hobbies: cynically (but somewhat legitimately, I hope) analyzing and rolling my eyes at various Christian songs out there. 'Tis the season for sappy, warm fuzzy songs, and none of them drips with as much tortured emotion and heart string pulling as Christmas Shoes. It's Christian because Newsong does a version of it, and the movie version (starring Rob Lowe?!) and its sequel (!!!) are sold by Christian Book Distributors. So here we go (as always, my comments are in red):

It was almost Christmas time
There I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two
I'm really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And in his hands he held
A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
Does Daddy not know how to run the bath water? The kid can buy shoes but not operate a bathtub? Maybe he works at the coal mines.
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
Here son, go get some shoes while Mommy dies. Priorities.
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

They counted pennies for what seem like years
Daddy lets him go get shoes but doesn't help with the bill?
And cashier says son there's not enough here
He searches his pockets frantically
And he turned and he looked at me
And he said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Most years she just did without
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I’ve got to buy her these Christmas shoes

So I layed the money down
I just had to help him out
And I'll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma's gonna look so great.

Sir I wanna buy these shoes, for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful,
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

I knew I caught a glimpse of heaven's love as he thanked me and ran out.
I know that God had sent that little boy to remind me
What Christmas is all about
Buying stuff? Loving a dying parent? Is that limited to Christmas?

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight

I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight

I propose a final chorus, with some modifications:
Sir, I wanna buy these shoes - yes, on Christmas Eve,
I probably should have done this weeks ago.
Could you hurry, Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time.
You see, I should be with Mom right now
And I can't imagine what I'd feel
If I'm stuck here buying Christmas shoes
And Momma meets Jesus tonight.

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