The Strange Case of My Local Burger King

Things employees said (very loudly) that I overheard on a recent visit to the Burger King next door to our apartment:

• "No tickling!"
• "Ewwww!"
• "It's burning!!!"

Ahhh, the joys of working fast food.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Caution: when eating Rolos, check the date, lest this happen to you (on the last one, after I ate nearly the whole thing).This is not the first time something like this has happened. When I was in Albania in July, we were eating some plum-like fruit from a nearby market, and with my third bite I uncovered a still-alive worm in the fruit. I had eaten two of the fruits before this. :(

I have decided to start a file of photos of "things in food that don't belong." So if you would like to contribute, send your photos (nothing staged, but real, nasty discoveries) to

adamgraunke@hotmail.com.

Happy eating!

Ever Wonder "There's Gotta Be More To Life Than This"?

So I was at the gym today, and the song "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin Degraw (the video, actually) started on the gym's many TVs. I like the song, the few years old that it is, but today the words occurred to me in a new way:

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me


The reason I noticed the words is because I paused the song on my Shuffle to watch the video. I was listening to Stacy Orrico's "There's Gotta Be More To Life":


I've got it all but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down, and I'm emptier inside
Tell me: what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing?
And why can't I let it go?


There's gotta be more to life
than chasin' down every temporary high to satisfy me
'Cause the more that I trip around thinking there must be more to life
Well there's life, but I'm sure there's gotta be more (I'm wanting more)


I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching
For something that's missing
There's gotta be more . . . .


Now, you may not know that Staci Orrico is a Christian, so this song is really her way of inviting people out there who are "tired of looking round rooms wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be" to search for true meaning in life other than "what I've been trying to be lately."


And since we're using music here to explain some tough issues (funny how music has a power to do that sort of thing better than straight out statements), allow me to explain what I believe is true life and meaning available for each person. This comes from the Newsboys' remake of a classic hymn "In Christ Alone":


No guilt in life, no fear in death -
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry, to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from his hand
'Till he returns or calls me home -
Here in the power of Christ I stand


And why I continue to be a Christian, as expressed in Hillsong's "Made Me Glad":


You have made me glad, and I'll say of the Lord:
You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer,
My shelter, strong tower,
My very present help in time of need


I don't want to be "what I've been trying to be lately" because I screw it up too often. I do want to be what God wants to make of me: gentle, self-controlled, peaceable, strong, gracious, understanding, loving, encouraging, brave, full of hope, not afraid of death, not afraid of life, one who lifts others up, a fantastic husband, brother, son, friend, father (some day!), and slowly becoming all around better than I was at this time last year.


He can make this of you, too. That's the "good news" about Jesus. We don't have to try to get into Heaven on our own efforts; Jesus has done the effort and has paid the penalty we deserve. Paul, one of the writers of the New Testament, says it this way:


"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himselft through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. . . . We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Eye of the Tiger, Baby!

All right, I'm committed to running the Cincinnati Flying Pig Half Marathon next year. I haven't paid the registration fee yet, but mentally I'm there. It's a 13.1 mile, uphill-for-8-miles course I am currently totally intimidated by. I'm scared for the following reasons:

1. The longest I've ever run so far is 7.5 miles.

2. The longest race I've ever run is 6.2 miles.

3. One guy died last year after this race.

4. I still weigh 219 lbs. (but I used to be 260!), and I would need to get to 200 or under to handle the distance.

However, I'm optimistic for the following reasons:

1. I have 8 months to train, and I have found a training regiment that is only 12 weeks long (assuming I run about 20 miles a week average before starting the regiment).

2. I should be able to lose 20 lbs. in 8 months. It'll be sweet to get out of the "Clydesdale B" category!

3. The guy who died probably didn't train very well.

4. 5570 other people who did the half didn't die.

I will keep you posted on how training is going. I'm sure there will be highs and lows to share.
This is going to be a huge accomplishment for me, considering I've been a runner only one year and two months.

Here's my training update for August:

Current Weight: 219

Pounds to Goal Weight: 24

Miles Run This Month: 63.2

Miles Run This Year: 406.1

Days Until Go Time: 247

That's it for now. I'll keep you posted once a month until the time gets closer (like in March). Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go run. . . .

A Reductio Regarding Condom Distribution in Schools

Does this really help kids become sexually responsible?



If the proper response to "they're going to do it anyway, so we might as well equip them to do it safely" is condom distribution, then couldn't we also say...

• "kids are going to binge drink anyway, so we should teach them the proper use of a beer bong and how to call a taxi when drunk."


• "kids are going to smoke anyway, so we should buy them the cigarettes while warning them against the dangers of smoking."


• "kids are going to smoke weed anyway, so we distribute water bongs and let them smoke it in the privacy of our home."

See what I mean? It's a total defeatist attitude that communicates to teenagers Here, we don't know what else to do, so we give up and hope you at least don't get a STD or get your girlfriend pregnant. It encourages irresponsibility and gives a green light to promiscuity.

"How can it encourage irresponsibility when it seems to do the opposite?" you may wonder. Condom distribution encourages irresponsibility because it encourages indulging one's sexual desires outside of the proper context of marriage.

"Now you're just a religious nutjob, with all that 'sex is for marriage' junk." I saw you coming, you worthless ad hominem. And I refer you to the following statistics regarding premarital sex.

Am I therefore saying "take all the condoms away, teach abstinence only, and cross our fingers?" Not necessarily. Kids are kids; therefore, they are stupid. We probably do need some measures to minimize stupidity-induced damage, but both the condom distribution method and the abstinence-only method fail in one substantial way: they treat behavior, not the heart and the will. They address the symptoms, but not the root cause of the problem.

Parents, youth ministers, churches - this is where you come in. Please model sexual propriety and please talk about sexuality with your kids. Christians in particular have a huge obligation to do this. Most importantly for them, provide every opportunity for your children to deepen their faith and enjoy meaningful learning, worship, and fellowship with other Christian youth.

Shaman Wart Fungi, or Fun With Anagrams

I found this site where you can type in any name or phrase and it will automatically be rearranged into as many anagrams as the English language allows. Most of the results don't make any sense, but some are fabulous.



For example, here are some results from my name:
A Karma Nudge
Anagram Duke
Raga Dank Emu
Garden Auk Ma
Dank Argue Am
Damn Rage Auk
A Mad Era Gunk



And Heidi's name:

Adieu Gherkin
Eureka Hiding
Hankie Guider
Haiku Reigned
Egad Hike Ruin
Idea Hiker Gun
Adieu Her King
A Nude Hike Rig



Have Another Think comes out as:

Heaven Torah Think
Tavern Hath Honkie (my favorite)
Aha Never Think Hot
Heaven Hath Irk Not





Don't forget to check out the very funny and interesting Anagram Hall of Fame.

"Aggravated Murder" or "Abortion"? Depends on the Woman's Location

Recently in Cincinnati, a young man was charged with aggravated murder and felonious assault for beating his ex-girlfriend with the intent to kill her unborn baby. You can read the full article here. Apart from the horrific nature of the crime and the trauma being experienced by the young woman, this raises some interesting discussion regarding abortion.

The authorities have rightly charged Price with murder, just as the California courts were right to charge Scott Peterson with two counts of murder for killing his pregnant wife. I know that there are differences between these cases and abortion: Anderson (the mother) did not want to end her pregnancy, and she was in her eighth month of pregnancy, in which cases abortions can be performed only if the mother's life or some significant bodily function of the mother is threatened by continuation of the pregnancy.

According to Ohio law, a physician cannot abort an unborn human (their term) after 23 weeks unless "the physician determines, in good faith and in the exercise of reasonable medical judgment, that the unborn human is not viable," which means that after determining gestational age, lung development, etc., the physician can decide whether or not he/she can go ahead with the abortion (I wonder how often physicians, especially at abortion clinics, refuse to abort at this point). So if a physician thought that Anderson's life or some significant bodily function (whatever that means) were threatened by this pregnancy, he could have performed a legal abortion, assuming for argument's sake that she wanted an abortion.

[[It should be pointed out that some of the greatest minds ever born were prematurely delivered or were "high risk" pregnancies: Johannes Kepler (born 1571, 2 months early); Isaac Newton (born 1642, born at three pounds); French philosopher Voltaire (born 1694, was not expected to live one hour, but lived 84 years); Winston Churchill (born 1874, at least 4 weeks early); Pablo Picasso (born 1881, thought to be stillborn); Franklin Delano Roosevelt (born 1882, nearly killed by the chloroform given to his mother). You can read about them here.

What frightens me is that if these people's mothers lived in America in the 20th-21st centuries, many of their children would have been deemed "not viable." How many great minds and heroes have been killed before they even had a chance to live! Nearly 49 million abortions (officially) have occurred since Roe v. Wade in 1973; could there have been another Newton? Churchill? Picasso?]]

My two thoughts are these: what determines viability, anyway? 20 years ago, technology could not help an extremely premature newborn survive the way it can now; the UK charity Bliss reports that about 80% of newborns weighing less than 2.2 lbs survive, compared to a 20% survival rate 20 years ago. So an unborn baby weighing 2.2 lbs could be aborted 20 years ago, but not today? What about 20 years from now? Scientists are already creating artificial wombs that can develop fetuses completely outside of a human body. This proves that viability is a bad guideline for determining who lives and who dies.

Second thought: using similar terminology, the case in point looks like this: the young woman's fetus was aborted. What if she wanted her boyfriend to beat her abdomen until her baby died? Then there would have been consent. The only difference would be (please forgive me for the detached tone here) that an amateur, not a professional, performed the abortion, and the location was a bus stop, not a Planned Parenthood office.

This has been a long post about an emotionally-charged topic. I know some of you disagree with me, possibly intensely. That's okay; I understand that we all don't come from the same worldview. That's why you can leave comments. I only ask that you attack my arguments, not my worth as a human, my faith (which, by the way, is intentionally absent in this argument - you can be pro-life apart from being an evangelical Christian), or the fact that I am a man and "don't understand." Any violent or ad hominem arguments will be deleted.